White People Embarrassing Themselves

Taylor Swift, star of the LVIII Super Bowl, this year’s Grammys and a crackpot Fox News conspiracy theory that she’s a government PSYOP, is also the winner of my award for “Least Embarrassing Way To Attach Yourself to a Black Person When Accepting an Award.”

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For the uncouth among my readers, modern etiquette dictates that:

1) Black people win all awards; and

2) When that is absolutely impossible, the white winner must somehow latch onto a black person, stressing how fond he is of black people.

In Taylor’s case, she recently made history by becoming the first musician to win four Album of the Year awards. This was despite her being, as The New York Times put it, “white and thin and blond in a world that continues to privilege whiteness and thinness and blondness.”

Thus, according to protocol, Taylor had to attach herself to a black person. This she did by becoming part of the show when Tracy Chapman reprised her 1988 hit “Fast Car” at the Grammys. Taylor rose from the audience, like a mushroom popping up amid the moss, and sang along for the entire song.

Boffo publicity! Twitter instantly exploded in gratitude and admiration for the Grammys champion.

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