Agent 00-Zero

After yet another assassination attempt on Donald Trump — or as The New York Times calls it, “what the FBI is calling an assassination attempt” — it’s time for Trump to hire Blackwater to do his security. (You can choose your own pronouns, but it’s up to the Times to decide if someone tried to assassinate you.)

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My last suggestion along these lines was this:

“Dear Bureau of Prisons: Please get Jeffrey Epstein to a supermax prison pronto, or the people who want him dead will make sure we never know the truth. ACT NOW!” — posted on Twitter, 1:05 a.m., July 25, 2019

They didn’t move him, and three weeks later, Epstein was dead. I’d rather not be right this time. 

But here’s my reasoning.

Contrary to the general public’s insane idea that the various U.S. intelligence and law enforcement agencies are all-knowing super sleuths, the truth is they know nothing about anything.

Only in Hollywood movies are intelligence agencies repositories of wisdom, courage and derring-do. In real life, a Secret Service agent isn’t Clint Eastwood, matching wits with evil genius John Malkovich to save the president’s life, but a bum passed out drunk in bed with a Colombian whore hours

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