How to Be a New York Times Reporter

You probably think the job of a reporter is to report news. How old-fashioned, cis-gendered, white supremacist of you! That’s not it at all, certainly not at the august New York Times.

Instead, a reporter’s mission is to find out what kind of story would help the Democrats at any particular moment in time, and then write it, no matter how preposterous. Obviously, skills in sophistry and legerdemain are crucial.

Right now, nothing would help the Democratic Party more than somehow blocking Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida from becoming the Republican presidential nominee.

That’s a tall order. DeSantis is not only running on 70-30 popular issues, but he’s following through by actually enacting those policies — on everything from immigration to crime, to trans-mania, to anti-white racism. Most spectacularly, he made utter fools of the entire liberal brain trust over COVID.

This cannot stand. There’s a whole world of Times readers waiting for Pravda to land on their doorstep every morning to confirm their prejudices.

So what’s a liberal lackey to do?

I can now reveal the seven takedown techniques taught to Times reporters on Day One — before they’re even taught that misgendering someone is a fireable offense — as illustrated by journalists Sharon

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