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Happy Monday, my adoring and adorable fans. I’d kiss each and every one of you if I wasn’t so contagious. But thank you again for making us the most successful TV show in history. I wouldn’t believe it myself, except that there it is in a chart I made an hour ago.
You see, it shows Super Bowl 49, the final MASH episode, the last episode of Cheers, the final game of the World Series in 2016. Kat You like that one? And there’s Gutfeld! in the middle more than doubling all of that combined with 4 billion viewers.
Don’t bother checking it. The data is right there.
And we did it without our staff breaking into the Capitol. And why? Because we live in two different worlds. It’s sad. In one world, you’re the hero, and the other, you’re the villain. I could be Thor or I could be Satan. In a perfect world, I would be both.
But these worlds mirror each other like the Olsen twins trapped in a funhouse. For example, in one world, the Supreme Court justice hero would be Sonia Sotomayor and the villain