Greg Gutfeld: No kid cares about who Superman kisses

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Happy Tuesday everyone! And what a glorious Tuesday it is. Possibly the greatest Tuesday in the history of Tuesdays! And why is that you ask? Well, I woke up this morning to find out the new Superman is bisexual! 

Finally! As powerful as a locomotive! Able to leap from women to men in a single bound! I haven’t been this excited since I learned the true identity of the Joker!

*Clips of Kamala Harris laughing*

Now, it’s not really Superman, as in the original Superman. He’s retired, living in Hoboken and buying gold from William Devane. This is Jon Kent — Superman and Lois Lane’s son. 

He was Superboy for a while, before dad said, “Hey time to become a man.” And then immediately got canceled for using gender stereotypes. So he became Superman, and hooks up with a young male journalist. Yes, so Superman is bi – and I say it’s a long time coming. Jimmy Olsen, it was worth the wait. 

Because if there was one thing that was important to me as a ten-year-old reading comic books – it was who the characters were sexually attracted to. It drove me crazy. I needed to

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