GREG GUTFELD: If you tried social protests in a place ruled by Hamas, you’d look at October 7th differently

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Happy Monday everybody. Oh, stop it! OK. A United flight out of Germany bound for San Francisco was forced to turn around after feces flowed into the cabin, which was unfair to the feces. It had bought a ticket to see its family in San Francisco (it came from Germany). The White House warned that sticky fingered reporters are stealing items from Air Force One. Hey, leave me out of this, says one man. Remember him? Masturbator. A new study finds that 40% of adults will go days without face to face interaction. I should be so lucky. For me, it’s 100% face to a**. Thank God you found the pictures of us clothed. 

Lizzo announced she’s quitting the music business because she’s tired of being dragged by everyone in her life and on the internet. She says she plans to spend more time with her fridge. The good news is, her doctor says walking away from the music industry will be the most exercise she’s had in years. It is intriguing that her announcement to keep a low profile comes just days before a solar eclipse. Coincidence or just lame? Just before

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